Fox the Bounty Hunter

I've decided that if Dog the Bounty Hunter called me and asked if I would be his partner, I would totally get tracks of flaming, crimson locks and become Fox the Bounty Hunter. Of course my mullet would be a little more chic. Like this:

Me either...

After watching Glee last night, I felt as though I should confess that I have never been kissed. Not really. I have received kisses that most people would classify as such, but I don't count drunken stupors and desperation to be viable candidates for a real kiss. I've never felt that spark. That connection.

I know this is kind of pathetic. 24 and I'm still waiting for something meaningful to be on the other side of the kiss.

I'm not trying to be hurtful.

I just want something more.....

Overkill

So the fact that almost all of the blogs that are suggested for me to follow are for mothers sending love to their children. I could puke. I see the need, but I don't want to see them!

Egotist? I Think So!

A friend of mine from St. Augustine made me realize today how much of an egotist I must be to assume that people care what I think... It's like performing one's life without the drama mess that others bring...

Do guys really need to start wearing shirts verifying their heterosexuality? Don't worry. I wouldn't go for your raggedy ass anyway.

With every reflection, I like myself a little more...

The Alchemist; The Prologue

© Paulo Coelho

The Alchemist picked up a book that someone in

the caravan had brought. Leafing through the pages,

he found a story about Narcissus.

The alchemist knew the legend of Narcissus, a youth

who daily knelt beside a lake to contemplate his own beauty.

He was so fascinated by himself that, one morning, he fell

into the lake and drowned. At the spot where he fell, a flower

was born, which was called the narcissus.

But this was not how the author of the book ended the

story.

He said that when Narcissus died, the Goddesses of the

Forest appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh

water, transformed into a lake of salty tears.

"Why do you weep?" the Goddesses asked.

"I weep for Narcissus," the lake replied.

"Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus," they

said, "for though we always pursued him in the forest, you

alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand."

"But..... was Narcissus beautiful?" the lake asked.

"Who better than you to know that?" the Goddesses said

in wonder, "After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each

day to contemplate himself!!"

The lake was silent for some time.

Finally it said:

"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus

was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my

banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty

reflected."

"What a lovely story," the alchemist thought.

This is a lovely story. I just began to read The Alchemist, and even though I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around the symbolism, it touches the depths of my soul. It moves me to the point where I have sit down the book, take a 20 minute break, and come back to where I left off.

Any book that can make me question the very fiber of my being is marked as 'phenomenal' in my opinion.

I don't know just how, but it's not over 'til you've won

Martha is the best character from The Secret Garden. Hands down.

Wind Chimes and Fireflies

It's been almost two weeks since he left. As I try and work through the mundane work that my job requires, I find myself slipping into memories that aren't entirely mine....

It's my ten year high school reunion. As I enter our old gymnasium, I look around to find those familiar faces with whom I would cluster during grueling post-pubescent days. All these people, and not a single face offers solace in the gloom and "thumpa-thumpa" of the reunion's entertainment...

I'm standing in a field of low-growing lilies, surrounded on all sides by empty space. The Portuguese call this pre-dawn twilight, Madrugar. It's a time of magic and rebirth. I know that I have someone to find. Someone to protect. If only I could remember who...

I couldn't save you. I'm so sorry. I wish I could have told you how much you meant to me. I hope you knew that.

I can't place the details of your face. The profile is there, but the features aren't static.

We are standing on the edge of a cliff. The wind is clawing at our coats and scarves. I know you are trying to tell me something. The crashing crescendo of the waves far below obscure any discernible speech that we attempt.

Its 1969. The entire nation is looking to the stars. I'm not sure if they think space will alleviate the hate that's running rampant, but it doesn't sound like such a bad thing. If we can find another place and time to exist, maybe we wouldn't fight so much.

Go Green

Idina Menzel was and is the ONLY Elphaba. Successors do a great job of emulating Miss M, but only she with forever be the personification of the Wicked Witch of the West.

My Fifth Grade

T, Beth and Sierra moved to my town during my fifth grade year. They were from Chicago, and I adored them. Something about the crass attitude and big city style made me instantly love them. They were disruptive and loud. They had fooled around with, Lord knows, how many guys. Did I say that I loved them? I worshiped their ferocity.

Beth's idol was Lorena Bobbit, T's dad was in the mob and there wasn't an adult in school that hadn't received a verbal lashing from Sierra. They ruled the school. Pure evil, to be sure.

Crimson and Gold

Bring it. I'm in a ruling mood today. I'm on fire. I will set you ablaze if you aren't careful. Be drawn to my light like a moth to its inevitable demise... I AM RISING!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzip...

I wish I was a quiet, unassuming, non-opinionated person. I want to just keep my mouth shut and let everyone else make bad decisions and say the wrong thing.

I'm going to try it on and see how I like it today. No talking unless first addressed. Not a word.

It ends and leaves you immobile...

That is the problem with too much of a good thing...

I woke-up this morning hating life. I've had to say goodbye to too many people.

I graduated from college last May, and have spent the past year pretending that I was an adult. I had a new job and a new place to live, but I still had friends around that I cared for very much that were still connect to school. As of two days ago, all of those connections have severed. I have a different connection to my alma mater. Hopefully, a healthy one, but I can't help but feel as though a period in my life has truly ended. Saying goodbye before wasn't quite so hard, but I'm static while everyone else is moving.

I'm not disappointed, honestly. It has nothing to do with what my life is, but I have no clue what my life will become. No goals beyond the short term. I suppose it's emotions that keep us going, good or bad. Emotions...emotions.

My 55....

Ten things I wish I could say to ten different people:

1. I spent a week playing nothing but Snaps and War with you, and I miss you in my life.
2. Sometimes you piss me off til I lose my temper, but we always seem to make it through our little tiffs.
3. You took my heart and broke it. I'm not sure I will ever fully get over that, but I try everyday.
4. I forget how wonderful you are, and then you do something that's like a smack in the face, and I remember.
5. Knowing you always feels like a dream. You are wonderful and vibrant, and I miss seeing you everyday.
6. You are the most stubborn person I have ever met.
7. You are one of the most beautiful people I know.
8. I wish you would wake up and realize that everyone loves you the way you are. Even God.
9. You will succeed, and overcome. I have faith in you.
10. We do rule.

Nine things about myself:

1. I'm secretly a tree-hugging hippy.
2. I sometimes seem very judgmental, but I usually let the actions speak for themselves.
3. I have trust issues

4. Give me liberty or give me death.
5. Don't tell me I can't. It just pisses me off.
6. My faith is ever changing and evolving.
7. Sometimes I fear I will never find real love.
8. I fall in love WAY too easily.
9. As a result, I get burned. A lot.


Eight ways to win my heart:

1. Have passion in everything you choose to do.
2. Have some creative ability.
3. Eat with me. :)
4. Have faith, and believe in hope.
5. Only let me have my way, when I really need it. Otherwise, don't.
6. Do what you think is honest and good.
7. Continuously push yourself, and in response me, to be better than you are.
8. Hug me, and hold me a little longer each time. (I loved this too much not to use it.)


Seven things that cross my mind a lot:

1. Really?....Really?
2. Huh...
3. Ya know....
4. Oh MY GOSH!!!
5. I know, right?
6. Oh, shut up...
7. I'm gonna kill him...


Six things I do before I go sleep:

1. Wash my face.
2. Brush my teeth.
3. Moisturize everything.
4. Talk to myself.
5. Read.
6. Make sure the doors are locked.


Five people who mean a lot to me:

1. Mom/Gram
2. Larry
3. Dione
4. Rick
5. Barbra Streisand

Four things I'm wearing right now:

1. Black dress slacks
2. Givenchy tie
3. H&M Undies
4. Eyeglasses


Three songs that I listen to often:

1. Side Show - I Will Never Leave You
2. Lady GaGa - Alejandro
3. Idina Menzel - Heaven Help My Heart

Two things I want to do before I die:

1. Create something truly meaningful and memorable.
2. Fully love God and myself.

One Confession:

1. I seem to be the most confident person to the world, but I'm the most worrisome, scared, self-conscious person that needs validation from others.

Purged...

Abolition, abstersion, catharsis, clarification,cleaning, cleanup, coup, crushing, disposal,disposition, ejection, eradication, evacuation, excretion, expulsion, expurgation, extermination, extirpation, liquidation, murder, purification, reign of terror, suppression, witch hunt

Lessons Learned....or Learning Lessons

So I know in the past that I haven't been a very trustworthy person.

I thought that telling little white lies to get out of socializing would help. That the person on the receiving end of those lies wouldn't be mad because I had a legitimate reason. Although many times the the truth was exaggerated (which is just as bad as lying) I thought that it would keep them coming back.

I was wrong.

I thought that I was above lying. What I was doing wasn't lying! It was just making the truth more easily accepted.

The funny thing about lying is the only one who initially benefits is the person telling the lie. It's easier for them to accept the truth, but what they don't realize is the other person doesn't buy their bullshit. I know this should be obvious, but it really isn't. At least not until after.

My friends know me too well. They know the sent of my bullshit. Now, even when I tell the truth, it's tainted by precedence.

I have striven to be a better person. I have told the truth when I don't want to hang out or when I've over-booked hanging out with friends. Now my past is haunting me untiringly.

I suppose these are the consequences of my actions.

I have no one to blame but myself...and that's the worst part.

I have become THAT person. The one that everyone expects to do something. So even when I go against the grain, they don't believe it.

My worst fear has come true.

I have become my father.

Ganymede, The Pillar of Confidence

It's like flames. Flames on the side of my face.

So I've been very, very angry all day long.

It isn't the type of anger that spills over into every emotion, and I haven't bitten off anyone's head (yet), but I don't want to be touched or hugged or placated. I feel like I have this power plant inside that is blaring the evacuation siren. I want to scream. I want to sing. I want to cry. I want to laugh. I don't know what the hell is up with this emo period I've been having, but I'm over it.

I need a vacation. Who wants to go? I'm thinking the seaside. I haven't been to the ocean in years. I miss it. It's the only place I feel completely contented.

That was yesterday....

Last night I had the most wonderful experience. It wasn't a seashore, but it was pretty darn close. I had such a wonderful time. And then, to drive back through a tornado! Ah! In the words of Katharine Hepburn, "I never dreamed that any mere physical experience could be so stimulating."

The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter

The heart may mend, but it hurts like hell along the way.

Quite a lot of my friends have recently been hit by bouts of heartache. I have have all the advice of the cosmos pouring out of me, but I soon realized...I have never been in a true, honest-to-God relationship. Of course, I've dated, and steadily, I might add, but I have never been in a good relationship where reciprocation was practiced on a healthy level.

It has been a year. I have been used by plenty of people. I won't pretend like I haven't done my fair share of using, but it was very destructive behavior. I had no excuse to act the way I did. I have found that being alone, really alone for the first time, has allowed me to be meditative, and really get in touch with what I want. It has definitely been good for my soul.

I'm trying to break my Princess Complex. I'm giving love a chance to grow, instead of strong-arming it into something broken. I'm ready to bloom.

Ganymede, The Pillar of Confidence